Maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t seem like there are any dominant women out there. I go to events, I comment on FetLife, I try to be a decent guy, but I feel like I never meet any single Dommes. I show up at a play party and the only dominant women I see already have someone. I end up standing around for awhile until I get bored and go home. I really, really want a relationship, but I’m about ready to give up.
– Submissively Single Forever
SSF: Believe me, I’ve been there and I know it sucks. The numbers will tell you that it definitely is a buyer’s market out there, and you are on the wrong side of that equation. That said, I cannot tell you how often I hear dominant women complain that there just aren’t any decent submissive men around either.
My experience tells me that dominant women may have a lot more selection, but they the quality out there is sorely lacking.
We all wish we could just snap our fingers and find that perfect soul mate, but it’s never going to be that easy. I do have a few suggestions for you though.
- Make sure you make an effort to put yourself out there. Make sure people know you’re looking for someone.
- Make sure you’re putting your best self out there when you go out. Dress well. Make yourself look as good as you can and you can afford.
- If people know you are interested and they respect you as a part of the community, they’re that much more likely to introduce you to other people.
- Don’t come off as overeager or, God forbid, desperate. Make your interest known, but not annoying.
- Don’t be a wallflower. Make more friends. There’s more to do at a social than just play. There are other people to talk to and who you should get to know.
- Make friends with dominant women you have seen at events. Compliment them on how they play, and strike up respectful conversations online. Your goal is not to win them over, but rather to gain some level of entry into their world. Odds are they know other dominant women who might be looking from time to time. If they have been carrying on a nice conversation with an available submissive guy, they just might mention you. They will also be additional friends for you to talk to at events.
- Once you have become a real actual friend of a dominant woman, you might consider politely asking her if She would ever consider playing with you at an event. Don’t be pushy, but be direct. Don’t be surprised if She says yes.
- Be positive as often as possible. No one wants to talk to a sad sack, and nothing will cock block your submissive dreams faster than coming off as a whiny asshole.
- Demonstrate your ability to do service by volunteering to help event hosts and venues. This will not only help you meet people and feel connected to your community, it will also show off your willingness to serve … if not a Mistress, then at least others in general (read more here).
- Make sure you aren’t unintentionally limiting your options. Think about what you really want in a relationship, what you actually need to find satisfaction, and consider whether you are eliminating potential partners before you even meet them. If you’re fishing in a shallow stream, then you want to cast a wide net. Age, body size, orientation and all sorts of factors can limit potential partners, so too can holding to specific fetishes and interests. You might be surprised how many Dommes you may have overlooked if you open your eyes.
If you’re doing all this, and you’re still having no luck, then you might try changing where you’re looking. FetLife isn’t the only game in town, and your usual dungeon haunt probably isn’t the only option. Check out other munches, other venues, and other websites.
Above all else though, make yourself into a desirable submissive. Work on your flaws, dress nicely and exhibit good manners always. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, but be polite always.
Send your question for Franklin by clicking here. Franklin is a lifestyle submissive who loves to share his knowledge and experience with others.